Relationships are the number ONE way to reveal your truest self back too you, that’s what this life is all about isn’t it? Too search, find, understand accept who we are and choose who to become
Freedom from external control or influence; independence.
Without question it is becoming harder and harder for social programming to ensue control over the masses. We used to believe a relationship, woman, man etc. should look, behave or be a specific way. We are thankfully approaching a time where anything that is constraining too freedom of expression is dying off…quickly
There is a trend of everyone wanting to be their authentic self and not be held back by other peoples expectation. To have the freedom to discover who they are and live a life they love. Which is great! So why are relationships so hard to maintain in this current trend?
Because within all the healing and finding ourselves there are still insecurities that tempt us to NEED our partner, squeeze on too them and suffocate the life out of our relationships. To go back and play out our Mommy and Daddy issues and expect our partner to heal our wounds. Well I suggest this piece of information, only for those who are willing and ready to really change their lives.
There are healthy and unhealthy standards in relationships and one rule of thumb to follow is this : Are your expectations trespassing on someone else’s autonomy?
Do your expectations look or sound familiar to these (the following requires honesty) :
- I want my partner to read my mind, anticipate my needs and if not then it means he/she does not care.
- I want my partner to make sure I do not feel insecure within my relationship.
- I want my partner to constantly stick to a point system; tit for tat with affection, sex and dates.
- I want my partner to prefer hanging out with me over his/her friends or family.
- I want my personal healing to be meshed with my partners healing and to be treated as such.
- It’s a huge issue if I am hurt by my partner. It’s not as big of a deal if my partner is hurt.
(These pointers are within the limits of a relationship that is not abusive to either party. The relationship I am referring to is one where both parties care and love on another)
It sounds crude being written with out filler but if any of these points have reminded you of a recent argument or triggered an uncomfortable feeling we might have something here too work on. Just because you agree to commit to someone doesn’t mean that person or you changes to someone else and all hobbies, dreams and personal ambition’s disappear.
In fact the healthiest longterm relationships inspire both parties to work on themselves even more and dream even bigger because LOVE is the strongest force of all, it’s a great source of motivation if you learn to harness it through self love.
Starter pack to autonomy :
- Gain the power of your mind back, stop letting insecure motivated thoughts sway your actions and emotions. You are not your past so don’t let it make the decisions in your present.
- Understand nothing is permanent, not your relationship, your emotions, thoughts or even your mood these are all up to change. The only thing that is permanent and stands the test of time is your relationship with yourself. Make that your number one priority and watch your life change substantially.
- Your relationship needs ALL OF YOU present which means; healing your old wounds, motivating yourself to move forward in life and making sure your growing. It takes two whole people to build a relationship and by focusing sole on the relationship your sending the message that without your partner, there is no YOU.
- When your partner practices autonomy within normal healthy limits like going out with friends, going to the gym, picking up more hours etc. Instead of immediately thinking of how you will be impacted negatively think about the positive impacts for your partner. Actually listen to what their saying especially if it is something that will positively impact them, love is not selfish.
- If nothing is wrong, then don’t create a problem. We need less people creating problems and more people creating solutions.
- Ask yourself how are you feeling? Are you being attentive to your own needs? 99.9% of a individuals needs can be fulfilled by his/her self.
These perspectives are not adopted within one day. It takes weeks sometimes months to adopt a new healthy perspective. Everyone’s expression of autonomy is also different because we all have unique personalities.