I used to try fitting myself into smaller boxes.
I used to pretend that I enjoyed my job in healthcare. Even though I was dying inside, everyone told me I should feel happy and lucky. At my age everyone wanted the position I had.
I used to work myself to death in my last relationship. I used to love, love, love and give, give, give without expectation of receiving. Until I felt drained and my emotional/mental health suffered the consequences. Even though I knew I didn’t want to keep giving, I still did, over whelmed by feeling responsible of making someone love me.
I could tell you countless stories of times in my life where I dimmed my light or acted from lower places of emotions like need, greed, acceptance etc.
It wasn’t until I stopped and admitted it too myself, admitted that I wasn’t happy and doing the same thing wasn’t going to work. Was I able to get the grips to walk away from aspects of MYSELF. Because it’s not the external activity that’s causing internal discord it’s the belief that it’s okay to sacrifice your well being for ANYTHING.
Sometimes denying the truth is easer, pretending everything is okay and becoming passive can seem like it’s keeping the peace yet if you think about it, it’s really not. Your subjective world goes into complete havoc when it’s ignored as would anyone if they felt ignored by the one person that should care.
So I say:
Stop ignoring the truth and start admitting it to yourself.
In that moment of screaming, whispering or singing to yourself “I’m not happy here” is where change immediately begins psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.
The the ideas and solutions can finally come through on how to change current circumstances.
Denial a lot of mental energy to allow any solutions too come through, so I’m not suggesting getting up and leaving because that’s not always the solution.
I’m suggesting get too the point with yourself already so you can be happy again.