The shame surrounding this personality disorder has prevented people from going into recovery. Let’s not forget, as a society merely grasping the extent of mental health, everyone deserve to heal. Everyone deserves compassion.
Hurt people, hurt people
There are a FEW people who intentionally want to hurt other’s for their own benefit.
There are TOO MANY hurt people that are unintentionally hurting other’s.
The reason people are quick too:
A. blame a narcissist for their pain
B. shame someone for narcissistic ways.
Is because the misunderstanding of how this personality disorder is created. Narcissists are some of the most hurt, lost, lonely individuals this planet has. Counter to popular beliefs and outside appearances, narcissists hate themselves. They can’t stand the sight of themselves or the fact they can’t control the lack of empathy they have for humanity.
I, for one, was aware of why I had narc tendencies and it made it very hard to change. I wasn’t raised in a loving household and I wasn’t reassured of my capability to be a good person in the world.
Actually, I was constantly reminded how selfish i was to expect my parents to be parents. As a child I emotionally/psychologically adapted to survive my given conditions. In my adulthood I was aware that my past had a huge influence on my inability to love myself and it made me ashamed of who I was and how weak I was. I was unable to overcome the part of me I hated and instead became it.
Some people crack under that trauma and become passive, depressed and anxious people, in my recovery from narcissism I had a few trials with depression and anxiety. I have found that the difference between the two is narcs don’t allow themselves too feel their extent of trauma.
Initially my reaction was f*ck that! I’m not a failure, good for nothing, I AM a conqueror determined to become successful by any means possible. I Gave myself no time to heal, I immediately bombarded myself with reason’s why I AM the best, why i am the absolute opposite of what my past experiences told me. This false mask has been the reason for some of my “success” but most of my pain. Because I chose to live in an illusion where I win, every time and because my cup was empty those winnings meant taking from someone else.
World of Narcs
Choosing the world of narcissism is sneaky, you don’t know what your doing while your doing it. You believe your protecting yourself and you must because no one else has ever done it. You believe that your loving yet you don’t have the time or patience to listen to your partners insecurities/needs because it might accentuate your own and the fact those emotional needs have gone unmet for years.
Over the course of years ignoring yourself its gradual to lose the ability to speak the language of emotions.
Then the outside world making narcs feel even more alienated, unaccepted and alone. Repeatedly headlining how narcs are the worst people ever, constant horror stories of people being hurt by narcs, or how stupid and foolish this egomaniac looks. Due to the silence from the other side, the fear to be vulnerable and scream “I’m hurt too” narcs have become the perfect personality disorder to bash.
But, hold on for a sec!
No healthy and whole individual ends up with a narcissist. You attract what you are, these relationships last so long and are so damaging because the pain is the same between both parties. Let’s not forget that. Abuse it abuse, whether your doing it to someone else or your allowing it to be done to yourself.
Hurt people, hurt people and themselves.
I’m tired of reading articles that bash narcissistic people as if they were sent here to destroy human beings. Some are born with that personality disorder, these individuals are sick and very lonely and thats the only perspective that matters.
I decided to stand against this disorder and heal because it wasn’t me, it was something I became in order to survive in the environment I was in. Yet, I was missing out on love and purpose because of my fear of feeling safe.
If people focused on their own healing and realized that all relationships are supposed to lead to healing, narcissists will eventually be left with themselves. With this kind of awareness people will notice their dealing with a narcissist and lovingly say “I love you but you are unable to love yourself, you need to heal” and let it go.
As a recovered narcissist I have had to do this before; however, i am no longer looking for someone to fill my cup and I’m not looking to fill up anyone else’s. My cup is full to the brim and love is something I finally get to have a part of my day to day experience.