Mankind’s Lessons : Love Edition
My Personal Story (The Why)
Love has been allusive in the earliest parts of my life, it’s been untouchable and misunderstood. Let’s just say me and love had a futile relationship.
However even with my hard earned careless attitude I suffered. For many years I wanted the very thing I was terrified of.
It has taken me years to study, research and learn what LOVE is. This is a series of the vast amount of knowledge I’ve acquired from personal accounts, my past, research and many psychologists that have allowed me to pick their brains.
I share this because for many love seems like a lost cause, but if you allow me, I think I can grant you some new hope and belief systems that will open your eyes to the limitless possibilities for you and I.
“The ultimate goal of the human race is to develop, understand and behave from a place of unconditional love. “
— Jasmin Oliver
It is the hardest concept to grasp because of the many conditions we place love.
Conditions that end up creating a selfish love, transactional love.
In order to reach unconditional love transcending past attachments is imperative. You can not love and be loved while clinging to what “has” happened.
Unconditional love is only mastered and practiced in the present.
Why do we attach to the past?
Attachment to the past is based on fear and wanting to avoid an experience again. The societal belief that some emotions are good/acceptable and some are bad/unacceptable is an impossible standard of living.
Individuals attempt and fail to create a life of ONLY pleasurable and comfortable emotions/feelings.
The brain’s primary job is to protect an individual, it also doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is not.
If the brain processes an emotional experience as BAD it will do everything in it’s power to avoid it from happening again. The memory plays a huge part in mankind’s demise to attain love.
Memory — a highly inaccurate processing of timeline events stored in the brain for reference.
Memory is like a VHS movie being played on repeat with the ability to rewind, replay, pause and stop.
People often identify with their movie as if it is an integral, defining part of him/her.
Even though it’s more than likely the recollection is inaccurate.
The Unreliability of Memories
“A memory is not simply an image produced by the time traveling back to the original event — it can be an image that is somewhat distorted because of the prior times you remembered it…Your memory of an event can grow less precise even to the point of being totally false with each retrieval.” — Donna Bridge, a postdoctoral fellow at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine
“…memories are not frozen in time, and new information and suggestions may become incorporated into old memories over time. Thus, remembering can be thought of as an act of creative reimagination” — www.human-memory.net
Unconditional love is the goal of mankind, to love ones self and other’s with no conditions.
What stops this
The fear of experiencing painful emotions that are deemed (by mainstream) as undesirable for an overall happy life.
The brain goes into protection mode from these undesirable experiences by storing past painful memories for reference of present experiences using MEMORY.
However, memory is not a highly reliable source of information because the recollection of experiences isn’t correct a majority of the time.
After years of research and committing myself to raising my emotional IQ. I have learned:
A. Facing these painful attachments for what they are and releasing them is the only way to redefine/create love in life.
B. All emotions are desirable, pain is a completely manageable experience created by an individual. It is a byproduct, family member, of the happiness we all wish to attain in life.
C. Although the cause of pain is rarely intended by an individual and the external world is unexpectedly painful at times. The pain experienced is internally formed and belongs to the individual hence highly manageable.
The creation isn’t stronger than the creator.
D. Main stream societies beliefs that a “good” life should only be filled of comfortable experience is one based in fear. It only causes more separation and a much larger distance of mankind’s goal to find unconditional love.
How Does This Affect LOVE
Storing memories with the intent to avoid uncomfortable emotional experiences. We absorb “negative” memories of:
- Giving too another
- Trusting ourselves and other’s
- Relying on another
- Believing we are safe and secure in self and external world.
These few concepts are a part of a larger lists that is needed to attain unconditional love for ourselves and other’s.
If a negative memories is attached to one of these concepts by an individual than when ever something in the present remotely triggers a negative experience the brain responds with fear.
Fear again is the brains way of protected one from danger. Fear has it’s own language.
“There are two basic motivating forces; fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life”
— John Lennon
Fear is a protective force that creates distance between what is perceived as danger (unfamiliar) and runs to what is safe (familiar).
Depending on the “threat” (level of unfamiliarity) fear reaction ranges. This could range from racing thoughts of betrayal to a full blown anxiety attack.
As uncomfortable as these moments are, they are all opportunities that love brings to heal and become whole. When individuals listen to fear and run from the perceived danger they are ONLY protecting painful stories and attachments.
If an individual has never experienced happiness than the brain will perceive it as a dangerous concept and fear is inevitable.
Fear’s Language Continued…
As explained before, fear the erroneous recorded memories and believing any uncomfortable emotion is bad.
By understanding that fear isn’t a negative experience but instead a indicator that you are approaching something new.
By understanding that the memories supporting your fear are essentially inaccurate a majority of the time.
The individual has a chance to regains his/her power of choice. Relinquished from being forced to live in the strong hold of the past.
Breaking Away From The Fear
A “Good” Life Lie
It is possible, in fact a part of every human’s purpose to break away from the sickness of not accepting the whole self.
There are lies amongst lies fed to all of us of what a “good” life consists. The very act of defining what a “good” life is, is a lie within itself because no one living could tell you what a good life looks like.
It is different for every single person, it looks different and feels different because it is based on incorporating the ALL of an individual.
The pain, pleasure, tears, smiles, laughs and frowns of a person.
Settling For It All
Let’s first understand that the english language falls very short of explaining emotions.
It is impossible to take a complex feeling, trim the meaningfulness of it, in order to minimize it into words and still get the point entirely across. It seems our emotions are meant to be codified with the only hacker being the creator, you.
I believe the human experience is predominately based on the evolution of self.
Never the less, it is worth documenting and totally embracing the feelings we fear because they ALL create a desirable life just as much as comfortable feelings.
“You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” — Mahatma Gandhi
I Want It All — All of Me
Disappointment — the sheer realization that something is not what was expected. Learning the lesson that living without expectation is much freer; this lesson is impossible to learn without embracing disappointment wasn’t first.
Betrayal — understanding that every person has their own path in life and although they aligned at one point, it doesn’t mean they will forever. A lesson of detachment which again leads to emotional freedom would of never been understood without embracing betrayal.
Sadness — the bi-product of many once happy experiences. A beautiful realization of how deeply one must feel for another person, place and/or thing in order to feel sadness.
Loss — implores an individual to say goodbye and let go. Learning how to gracefully and/or lovingly let go assists in removing emotional baggage.
What if we lived in a world where all emotions were realistically embraced. Keeping everyone’s feet grounded in reality instead of denial and old stories.
What if we lived in a world where a majority of people practiced this total embrace of self. So much so that someone lost could learn from a neighbor, friend, family member, coworker etc.
Mankind has a way of touching other people’s minds and hearts without effort because we are all connected. We all want the same thing, it is just convoluted by the confusion of living in a world where constant misleading and confusion runs a muck.
Mankind is in search for togetherness.
In search for love.
In search for self.
“Love is basic for the very survival of mankind. I’m convinced that love is the only absolute ultimately; love is the highest good. He who loves has somehow discovered the meaning of ultimate reality. He who hates does not know God; he who hates has no knowledge of God. Love is the supreme unifying principle of life. “
— Martin Luther King