There is a shame to be a woman with “daddy issues” that made me avoid the truth for years. The fear of being a stereotype was no match for my determination to find happiness.
It was in my last relationship
That made me realize I idolized men who gave me ANY attention. I would ignore red flags, forgotten dates, and an open careless attitude. I filled the gaps in my mind between what I needed and what my partner was doing to fulfill my needs.
Until one day I was sitting with my father
After another heart-crushing breakup. I listened to him rant on about a new project he was working on, his new clothes, fancy car and what he bought his wife.
It occurred to me that this man didn’t once ask me about my life or noticed the puffiness under my eyes from crying all night. It was at that moment I realized why my relationships were so unfulfilling, why I idealized the men I was with and why I settled in ALL my relationships.
Because I had daddy issues! I know…I couldn’t believe it either!
There is a stigma about women with “daddy issues” that made me avoid the truth for years. I idolized my father and felt proud to be the only one out of his six daughters that had the closest relationship with him. The only reason we had the “closest” relationship is that I was the only person to put up with his shit.
This epiphany would begin the end of the passive girl that kept her mouth shut about how emotionally unsatisfied she was.
The end of the girl who was silenced by narcissism and the beginning of a badass confident woman who created her reality and removed the undeserving with a fine tooth comb.
Enough was Enough
I was approaching a time in my life where I couldn’t take any more disappointment. I was always left with myself when people in my life would let me down so I will lift myself up. I ventured out on my own to heal, first by accepting the truth;
- My father did not give me the love I deserve nor was an excellent example for what I want in my future relationships.
- My father was always self-absorbed and rarely gave time or attention to his kids.
- I have every right to desire more fulfilling relationships in my life.
- I have the right to stop giving my time and energy to things that only wish to take from me.
- I can walk the walk and talk the talk.
- I could now heal, I could finally breathe.
Coming to these realizations were remarkably hard because for a long time my father’s “loving” relationship was a part of my identity.
Now, I only accept what uplifts me in my life.
I am entirely in control of what I give my energy to sustain the balance I’ve worked so hard to gain. Although I no longer speak to my father, I now have a loving relationship with myself and a partner that loves me for me.
I no longer carry around the guilt or pressure to settle for less than I deserve.
I just want to be happy and loving, so I can share that happiness and love with others. I need no ones approval of my life choices because I learned how to support myself.