For women exhausted of blaming other people for their unhappiness; it’s time too appreciate our strength and power to create the relationship we desire.
I used to nag, I used to complain, I used to drag my partner through the dirt verbally believing somehow that would solve the problems in my relationship.
I learned that from my mother and all women learn their role as a woman/caretaker/mother from their mothers. I used to believe that was okay. Until my relationship became weaker and weaker.
When I learned how to love myself, I discovered two precious lessons that helped me create a stronger foundation for me and my partners’ relationship. Helped me redefine what it means to be a partner and let go of the old ideologies surrounding relationships.
How You Love Yourself is How You Will Love Another
This society does not teach girls how to love themselves. Instead, it continually robs any chance of building substantial, healthy self-esteem.
Regularly taking women and comparing them to other’s, suggesting that our beauty is the only definition that matters, not our intellect, experiences or purpose.
Implying that the most achievement a woman can make is getting constant male attention and likes/followers on social media.
I’m not surprised that most women don’t know how to build a healthy relationship with a man because we are lied to and denied the right information to create one with ourselves.
So here’s the real tea;
— A relationship that is uplifting, loving and accepting requires you to uplift, love and accept yourself.
If that hasn’t been mastered then understand that it’s likely you won’t know how to uplift, love and accept a partner.
— What thoughts do you let consume your time in regards to how worthy you are?
If your continually telling yourself how undeserving you are of love and attention how can you give someone else what you don’t have yourself?
— Are you accepting yourself entirely or are you still trying to be what everyone else wants you to be?
You will always find something wrong with your partner, something you wish they would change and subconsciously try to change them. Because you’ve yet to realize how important it is to accept all of yourself. Until you learn to accept yourself you always feel intimidated by someone who is unapologetically themselves, differences will make you feel uncomfortable rather than empowered.
Your Partner Is Not Your Parent
This is a doozy, yet a majority of relationships are subconscious childhood plays. Placing an intense amount of pressure on someone else to prove to you why you should love yourself. It’s an impossible job, and it never works out in favor of either party.
A relationship of two whole individuals
Both partners need to be aware and honest of their own childhood and the roles their parents played in them. Because if you did not receive the love from one of your parents, you would have to give that love to yourself. Not find it in another person.
Detachment and allowing each other to grow
Attachment causes tremendous pain because nothing stays the same exceptionally people. We all have the right to change and grow and sometimes this growth means being walked away from. When we attach to our partners, it’s because they are fulfilling some part of ourselves that we aren’t. If they walked away people end up feeling like they lost an entire piece of themselves. Work on being whole, remaining whole and encouraging wholeness above anything else. The love between you and your partner will be more authentic, healthy and long-lasting due to both parties feeling free to choose.
Accepting each other
If you’re looking for a parent in your partner than a large part of yourself is still living in the past. Once you let that go, heal those wounds, become your own parent if you must, then you will learn who the person your dating is.
I knew my partner for 10 years, yet, until I released my parental trauma, I wasn’t able to actually get to know who he was. To this day I’m still learning so much about him, and falling in love all over again.
Ladies, I believe it’s time to give ourselves a chance at love. A real healthy dose at living a life full of profound loving experiences and as always it starts within. Until we mend the broken pieces of our own heart, look ourselves in the eye and say “I love you” and mean it, love will remain elusive.
No more nagging, no more tearing our partners down, let’s uplift one another and win alongside each other.