A book I recommend to anyone, period.
Whether your single and not wanting to mingle or in the middle of a relationship. John Gray uses his personal experience and expertise too give his audience the information NEEDED to understand the masculine and feminine experience in love.
One of the best topics explained is the difference between men and women when going through stressful moments. Men go in and out of their caves for various reason’s, no one is allowed in this cave, NO ONE. Of course there isn’t a physical cave they retreat too but its a mythical one inside their heads. It shows physically through distance, playing video games, wanting to be around their friends or simply asking for time. Unlike women, men aren’t built to be great at multitasking, so its a requirement for them to step away from the normal duties of being a loving, affectionate partner and tend to their own needs. Respecting this cave is a MUST.
Women have the “well” women take on A LOT and we choose too. By giving our love/affection, working, side hustles, and over coming personal obstacles we eventually reach a brink where we’ve exerted all of our energy. The well is also a place to go during emotionally disruptive times, in this well women want to communicate how we feel. Where as men do not communicate because it doesn’t help them decompress. It helps women decompress in communication and that’s when we’d love for our partner to just listen.
Which brings me to the next important topic about how each of sexes communicate. Men are solution orientated, they want to “fix” the problem, what ever problem it is. So when women are venting they naturally can get futrated with not knowing how to fix all of these problems. However, hialriously enough women don’t NEED anyone to fix their problems we are more than capable to handle our lives and mend any broken parameters. Talking is therapeutic for women so it’s essential to exlpain to your partner that you just want them to listen. I believe its everyones desire no matter the gender to feel heard in their relationships.
Men prefer to not receive unsolicited advice from women. It’s how we care, we give advice that we believe would better their lives and we trust in that adivice. However, a man takes it as a way of telling them they are incapable of dealing with day to day problems causing a interference with their autonomy and possibly causing the cave situation all over again.
All in all, this book was a successs. After having my partner read it we both noticed a differnce in our relatinoship just from understanding one anothers perspective and learning to communicate our needs. Personally it offers confidence when dealing with relationship issues because I now know the basic needs of a man and how they function. Not dealing with the constant stress of stepping on one anothers boundaries.