Ah, the ex, the relationship that got away or the one who just couldn’t pull their emotional life together to make it work. Whatever you refer to your last ex as I have even better advice, don’t talk about him/her.
I am guilty of being the friend that always wanted to talk about my ex-story, repetitively as if I am going to find some golden nugget of information in each conversation. I spoke about him so much that people would ask me how he is or how I’m doing with the breakup months down the road. That’s when I realized something about my thought pattern needed readjustment.
Your life experiences are measured by how much energy you put into particular things. I expected to work on myself and change my life whilst enjoying the rumination of dwelling in my toxic past relationship. Well, this didn’t result in the positive effects I anticipated and instead, my self-development took a turn faster than I expected.
From the energy I placed on my ex I only manifested the past.
Past + Present = delay to the future.
In other words, the past belongs in the past and the present deserves your attention.
Eventually the past messaged my phone and because he was already the forefront of my mind and I didn’t take the time to go within, guess where I ended up? Back in the shits, I clawed my way out of and it was nowhere near the painful experience as the initial time but soon enough I realized I needed to actually let it go mentally, emotionally and physically.
When deep down you know it’s over you have to respect the heart and intuition to let it go, for your own sake. So this time walking away physically didn’t cut it I had to stop speaking about him. I didn’t bring his name up nor did I entertain analyzing all the details of the past. This time I strictly let it go and the weight that was released was tremendous. I didn’t realize I moved with so much weight and was trying to drag him to my new beginning.
I’m now able to make decisions for myself and based on myself, not the relationship in the back of mind or the what if? sharing its opinion on what steps I should take forward. The door is finally closed and locked and because of the diligence and focus on removing him from my mind I am free.
Toxicity has no discrimination it will infect your mind, soul, heart, and body. It sounds dramatic but if you’ve been through an abusive relationship or relationship full of betrayal you know it causes you to morph into a completely different person and that is what toxicity does. Just a dose, just a taste and it’s addicting enough to grab you once again.
This might sound harsh to completely remove yourself but understand that when a relationship is toxic you can’t heal it from being on the inside of it. You can only leave, remove all the toxic energy that came with it, heal the damage and release yourself from it all. It took me awhile to realize this and for years I stayed to make it work and waiting for the same effort back. Ultimately sacrificing my life force to do so and only ending up empty-handed (aw).
Choose yourself, choose yourself, and always no matter what choose yourself.
Be True To You — Jasmin