Personally, I believe for a long time other people would find me different, too different to be like. Too quiet and reserved or too loud and opinionated. I would believe in silly ideas like I have to drink alcohol even if I don’t want to when I’m out so people didn’t think I was weird, weird right?
Eventually, I grew so tired of being someone I wasn’t and with quitting that false persona I essentially lost everyone along with it. I didn’t want to live the same life anymore or take part in the same activities that became “normal” and not everyone likes when someone in the circle decides to better themselves (just saying).
My transformation is based on these three questions I asked myself and reflected against the reality I was living in. Long and behold I realized I was wearing a mask of insecurity and not going towards what truly made me happy because I distracted myself with external validation.
So I offer these questions to you, ask yourself and take as much time as you need and when you arrive to your answer ask yourself if you are on the right track.
1. WHAT DOES LOVE FEEL LIKE IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW?
I’ll be honest I kept this one for last personally but realized it’s the most important question out of the three. Our quality of life is greatly influenced by the quality of relationships we have in our life.
Think of relationships as a flow of water from one person to the next. When you decide to share this “water” with another person you should be receiving back because no one’s cup should ever run empty in a loving relationship. You also have to ask yourself what quality of “water” are you accepting and offering.
Symptoms of “dirty water” a.k.a toxic relationship exchange
- Consistent confusion: they aren’t consistent but the confusion is. Your either not sure where you stand, where the relationship is going or how they feel so essentially your not being told what really being offered in that cup.
- A Negative Change in Self-Image: accepting “dirty water” poisons our own well. In this case, your self-esteem will get affected, your motivation to take care of yourself can decline, and an array of self-damaging thoughts and emotions can arise.
- Your Drained: as mentioned initially there should be an even exchange of clean refreshing “water” if you’re giving more than what is offered you will begin to feel drained.
Symptoms of “clean water” a.k.a healthy relationship exchange
- Freedom: you feel energetic, free to explore and your mind isn’t stagnating when it comes to moving forward with what makes you smile. That is due to the energy being clean and refreshing rather than heavy and weighing you down.
- Clarity: I have the tendency to live in my head (Virgo) and when my mind isn’t clear about a relationship and I find myself over-analyzing it’s because there is a poison in the “water” and my intuition is picking up on it. In a healthily balanced exchange, both parties know where they stand and what they are heading to as individuals and as a couple.
- Flow: clean “water” flows in and out without restrictions or hesitancy. There’s no need to hold back emotions or lie about your truth.
2. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS LIKE? DO YOU KNOW WHY?
A very vulnerable topic for me is my parents, I didn’t have anything near a healthy childhood and blamed my parents for years. I learned very fast that your parents are your first mirror to look in if you’re ready for real change. (cue eye roll) This doesn’t mean everyone needs to hug and forgive our parents because blood or not toxic is toxic but if you aren’t talking to your parents is the reason based on truth or lack?
The reason this is important is that your subconscious is a manifesting machine and can override your conscious manifestations. Your subconscious is FULL of your childhood and parental relationship so if there is lack filling your subconscious you will repeatedly manifest lack.
Truth looks like this:
- Releasing hate, pain and/or anger related to parents or the past experiences with them. I traded this pain for acceptance and using the hard lessons I’ve learned to help others.
- Giving back the negative conditioning from your parents because it is no longer my truth and what I’ve learned from them about the world isn’t true. I did this by meditating, I envisioned myself packing heavy bags of old beliefs passed down and handing them back to each parent.
- Deciding to keep parents out of my life because of the toxic energy they continuously bring. Please pay attention closely to this, I allowed my parents to enter my life after forgiveness but once the low energy revealed itself I removed myself without any grudges. in order to accept them for who they are and show them who I am, I had to let them go.
Lack looks like this:
- Not talking to your parents because you think “they’ll learn” “they don’t deserve to be in my life” or any negative outlook on them. Trust me I understand it is not easy to forgive those who were meant to protect us but it is necessary.
- Fearing becoming like them to the point you feel the need to keep them far away from you or constantly judging yourself for any action resembling them. Let it go, you are not your parents, you are biologically a part of them but if you find that you’re mirroring your parents it is most likely because of the hate. What you hate you become.
3. HOW WELL DO YOUR FRIENDS KNOW YOU?
Do your friends know you as the guy or gal that has loads of fun and drinks a lot? When in reality you’d rather not drink at all and stay at home to read.
Are the people you’re surrounded by having any connection to the person you want to become or in the process of becoming?
Do you have to tone down what you really want to say out of fear of judgment? Do your friends mentally and developmentally stimulate you or make you comfortable in your own comfort zone? These are not your friends, these are aspects of your shadow self and comfort zone surrounding you and keeping you safe from harm a.k.a change.
I know what you might be thinking, this is a lot of information to think on and take in. Or maybe you’ve already decided these questions are too heavy for you right now and your not ready to face the mask. Either way, it took me a total of four months to answer these questions AND integrate them into my reality so take your time. The seed is planted just by reading this article (if you’ve read the whole thing) the answers will reveal themselves.
Be True To You. — Jasmin