On average 50% of marriages in America end in divorce and now marriage has adopted a nasty stigma of a dynamic that “ends your life”. Bachelor/bachelorette parties and normal comments referencing to marriage make it seem like once the words “I Do” come out of your mouth, your freedom is taken away along with it.
But why? does marriage equal being tied to fulfilling someone’s expectations and calming insecurities for the rest of your life? Yeah, I said it, only because it’s true, before getting into a relationship there’s an expectation in mind which is solely based on experience. The human mind is incapable of knowing what and who can make you happy (if you aren’t happy now) because we can only draw knowledge from past experiences.
The expectation placed on prospective partners covers; how we want them to make us feel, their behavior and maybe their physicality. Many of us do it without realizing, well damn, cut out a magazine picture and marry that guy/gal because perfection doesn’t exist.
When the heart begins to open for someone, along with it comes pouring out all the shit you decided to stuff away instead of healing. All of a sudden those aspects of his/her personality once accepted make you nervous or unsettled. This is when most of the arguing starts, arguing is normal, but it’s the nature of wanting your partner to change or alter who they are when initially you were okay with it, that isn’t normal.
Which is why relationships and marriages just explode in our face because we don’t allow other people to be themselves, we want them to be what we think they should be because it makes us feel safe. I’ve felt this pressure put on me and I’ve also put this pressure unknowingly on my partner.
I believe in true love, I believe there’s someone out there for everyone, but I also think getting into a relationship with a bucket load of insecurities, unworthy self-beliefs and the expectation that someone will make these all go away is a trap, not love.
When you give yourself everything you would have normally looked for outside of yourself. For example, feeling worthy of love, believing you deserve the best and healing what lies deep within your being instead of acting from it subconsciously. Your relationship isn’t going to be solely based on “how you make me feel” or conditional, instead, you’ll be able to fall in love with someone that is 100% themselves because you are. You can both show yourself free from masks or power games because two whole people are coming together. You simply enjoy each others time, you fall absolutely in love with who that person is for everything that they are whether society opposes or not.
Once you unconditionally accept and love yourself, then and only then will you experience what unconditional true love feels like. It isn’t easy, it isn’t a smooth road either transforming from conditionally loving yourself to accepting all that you are, but what else are you focusing on that’s worthwhile than living your best life?
You see, when you truly love yourself, loving others is merely a reflection of that love. You aren’t looking for anything and you definitely don’t need anyone to prove your worth to you.
You have everything you need, you were born to be unapologetically yourself.
So ask yourself, who am I to judge? Who am I to make you do the work I need to do for myself?
Save yourself the pain of disappointment and realize the harsh truth that you are not in any position to judge anyone period.
If it hurts mentally, emotionally and physically then leave, end of the story, and it will be easier to avoid abusive partners when you’ve gotten yourself to the highest position of self-love.
Without the clouded lenses of expectation and fantasy, you can see straight through people and feel their intentions and be done with it before it even get’s there.